July 4, Childhood recurring dream

As a child, I had this recurring dream. It always started out with a vast blackness, and a low, resonant hum. The kind that moves your ribs & stomach around until you were hungry, and made your palms hot & itchy.

Then something would appear, a planet usually, and usually Jupiter -- your favorite planet as a kid, with its big red cyclone eye. It would appear in the distance, crystal clear & light strong & sharp amidst the clean blackness.

Slowly, after a long time, you'd notice that it was getting closer -- that it had been the whole time, but you hadn't noticed until now, when it took up almost all of your view.

You'd remember now that this was the dream where you crashed into things, and your heart would beat faster as you traveled through the roiling mists of methane & gas you would resist, twisting your head in your sleep this way and that, pushing against the sheets, sweating.

Then you would fall against the surface of the planet. It would fall right through your chest & different layers of the planet, they'd be getting bigger, too.

Little in your bed at home, you'd be calm again; eyes closed, but seeing something far off and truthful.

Soon there were large objects with space in between -- like planets themselves, but closer together and all a field of color -- then, as they got bigger, one would head towards you all alone with its buzzing, it would be transparent & loud with a sound like mad bees.

You'd break through its definitive, but transparent shell & inside were things that moved too fast to be seen, but you knew they were there, and your heart would beat faster and faster, but this time you didn't squirm, you were too far along, and the last stage was irresistable -- no way to stop it. And the buzzing would become a whine, and a light would grow and grow in front of you and the noise was unbearable, and you entered it. Its cold, but somehow like the Sun, and the noise would tear you apart if you stayed, and you'd wake up in your bed -- the walls and the window and the vine-covered fence outside and your sister in her bed, dark in the corner, all seemed very far away, and you very small amongst it all; very small and very light.