Book List -- off the shelf of a fire lookout

[this appears to be a book list of all the books I had on the shelf up there, including stuff I'd read before and brought up to think with. I can definitely pick out a large section of the list as being books I read for the first time up in the tower]

Psychology/Cognitive Science, etc:

Bly, Robert; Iron John
A Little Book on the Human Shadow

Pearson, Carol; The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By

Maslow, Abraham; Religions, Values & Peak Experiences
Toward a Psychology of Being

Jung, Carl G.; Memories, Dreams, Reflections
Septem Sermones Ad Mortuos

Sinetar, Marsha; Ordinary People as Monks & Mystics

Fritz, Robert; The Path of Least Resistance

Dennet, Daniel C.; The Mind's I: Reflections and Fantasies on Self and Soul

Buscalia, Leo; Personhood

Mindell, Arnold; Riding the Horse Backwards, working with the dreaming body
Working on Yourself Alone

Harner, Michael; The Way of the Shaman

Highwater, Jamake; Primal Mind

Physics:

Zukaf, Gary; The Dancing Wu Li Masters

Capra, Fritjof; The Tao of Physics

Poetry:

Erdrich, Louise; Jacklight

Cummings, E.E.; 96 Poems

Budkowski, Charles; The Last of the Great Earth Poems

Barnard, Mary (trans.); Sappho

Mitchell, Stephen (trans.); The Selected Poetry of Ranier Maria Rilke

Bly, Robert (trans. editor); The Kabir Book
News of the Universe: Poems of Twofold Consciousness
Leaping Poetry

Rexroth, Kenneth (trans.); One Hundred Poems from the Chinese
Love and the Turning Year; One Hundred More Poems from the Chinese

Snyder, Gary; The Backcountry
Riprap and Cold Mountain Poems
Turtle Mountain
Myths & Texts

Rothemberg, Jerome (editor); Technicians of the Sacred -- Shaking the Pumpkin

Jeffers, Robinson; Selected Poems

Lorca, Federico Garcia; Selected Poems of Federico Garcia Lorca

Elliot, T.S.; The Wasteland and Other Poems

Ginsberg, Allen; Howl

Cardenal, Ernesto; Homage to the American Indian

Rich, Adrienne; Dream of a Common Language

Gibran, Kahil; The Prophet
The Forerunner

Literature, prose & essays:

McCarthy, Cormac; Suttree
Blood Meridian
The Orchard Keeper

Kingston, Maxine Hong; Woman Warrior; Memoirs of a Childhood Among Ghosts

Hemingway, Ernest; In Our Time

Eisley, Loren; The Immense Journey

Abbey, Edward; Desert Solitaire

Lopez, Barry Houston; Desert Notes
River Notes
Winter Count
Crossing Open Ground

Stafford, Kim; Having Everything Right

Hammill, Sam; A Poet's Work

Bowles, Paul; A Distant Episode

Calvino, Italo; Under a Jaguar Sun
Cosmicomix

Leopold, Aldo; A Sand County Almanac

Dillard, Annie; Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
Holy the Firm

Pound, Ezra; The ABC of Reading

Silko, Leslie Marmon; Ceremony

Hill, Ruth Bebe; Hanta Yo

Welch, James; Fool's Crow

Mombaday, N. Scott; House Made of Dawn

Erdrich, Loyise; Tracks

Schneebaum, Tobias; Keep the River on your Right

Barry, Wendell; What are People For?

Paz, Octavio; On Poets and Others

Goldberg, Natalie; Writing Down the Bones
Wild Mind, Living the Writer's Life

Hesse, Herman; Siddhartha
Narziss & Goldmund

Potok, Chaim; My Name is Asher Lev

Chatwin, Bruce; The Songlines

Cocteau, Jean; Les Infants Terrible

Burroughs, William S.; Nova Express
Interzone

Miller, Harry; Sexus

Borges, Jose Louise; Labyrinthes

Mythology/Comparative Religion:

Radin, Paul; The Trickster

Han, Thict Nat; Being Peace

Campbell, Joseph; The Hero with a Thousand Faces
Myths to Live By

Tedlock, Dennis (trans.); The Popul Vuh

Arguelles, Jose; The Mayan Factor
Earth Ascending; and illustrated treatise on the governing of whole systems

Native American Interest (what wasn't scattered in other categories):

Neihart; Black Elk Speaks

Erdoes, Richard; Lame Deer; Seeker of Visions

Castaneda, Carlos; The Teachings of Don Juan; A Yaqui Way of Knowledge
Journey to Ixtlan

Storm, Hyemeyohsts; Seven Arrows
Way of the Heyokah

Mails, Thomas; Fool's Crow; Wisdom & Power

Foster, Steven &
Little, Meredith; The Book of the Vision Quest
The Roaring of the Sacred River

Sun Bear; The Path of Power
Earth Astrology

Boyd, Doug; Rolling Thunder

Metaphysics:

Twitchell, Paul; Tiger's Fang

Bailey, Alice H.; Initiations, Human & Solar
Consciousness of the Atom
Ponder on This

Two Disciples; The Rainbow Bridge II, link with the soul

Keyes, Ken; Starseed; The third Millineum
Return of the Bird Tribes

Alli, Antero; Angel Tech: A Modern Shaman's guide to Reality Selection

Hyatt, Christopher; A Modern Shaman's Guide to a pregnant universe

Millman, Dan; Way of the Peaceful Warrior
The Sacred Path of the Peaceful Warrior

Purse, Jill; The Mystic Spiral

July 25, Dream -- Bear fat

Something about sitting around with a couple of men in a big room with a bunch of young kids, having ordered pizza.

We were sitting around talking about "what did you do with your bear fat?" "I froze it. " "Might as well eat vasoline."

Nadir

1:34, Had Nadir experience -- or inverted plateau.

You.

Dark, Low, Wide, receptive.

Dark cave poolswim.

Cold mud boot walking.

Wet rain walk.

Drink mist shadow night.

Wonderful.

Random fire lookout historical data

First lookout site in Oregon: 1906

After a bit of sickness

[This post happens after a whole lot of writing exercises, and some mention of not being able to keep food down. Also, mention of nearly zero visibility in the tower -- basically completely fogged in with clouds.]

I feel better, and still haven't eaten or drank. I took a fucking *walk*, that's all.

This whole month, inside the mind (tower) not having anything to see, no visibility (only because I was "above it all") is too easy an analogy. Like when K. [an older poet friend from the bay area, somewhat of a mentor] called out, derringer in hand, "give me a sign, that's all i ask, a sign to know you exist." God sends? A man, out of nowhere, carrying a sign, "Jesus loves you." The sufi's say" It's closer than your Jugular." And I believe them.

(I must find this woman Cynthia, the one whose eyes are blue, jaw square, and has lived the life of the mendicant)

I'm going to write a letter to my sister. Bye for now. Much love.

Reminder to self -- between July 23rd and July 25th

Write on the snake in the pit full of rusted cans sometime.

Surprise find on a hike, continued

Later, on another walk, I smiled and picked up the egg again. I began to polish it carefully on the skin of my palm, and it shone blue and porcelain-y.

Then it broke. Stunned, I looked into my palm to see the sunflower-orange yolk speckled with bits of white & blue shell, like broken China. A brief volley of relief to see no defenseless blue-eyed fetal embryo -- not even a red dot of intention on the yolk. I let the clear and yellow egg drip off my onto the ground. I wrung my fingers like a baker with her hands covered in dough. Using the dewdrops off a fern bough, I washed the last sticky remnants off my hands & let the water drip, again, onto the same spot of ground.

I walked down the road, the smell of raw egg strong in my mind, and on my hands. I crouched at a red-silt pothole in the road, I scrubbed my hands with wet gravel & mud, then rinsed them. Almost afraid, I smelled them. Cold, muddy earth -- clean. I trust them back into the pockets of my thick green wool trousers and walked down the road. Seasons change, cycles turn, life ensues.